TV Stand

The next day after Dangerous D and I had an evening confrontation over his lame ass living room furniture arrangement, I felt kinda bad. There was no way I could allow his stuff to stay like that in the house but at the same time I knew I had been too harsh on the little guy. It freaked him out. I took his glass coffee table to the garage and I managed to fit it in the rafters above his car. Then I hauled the book case thing out there and laid it against the wall of the garage. Damn thing was so heavy and awkward to lift that I nearly fell over on the way out with it. The TV he bought was a large flat screen high definition model. From the description he gave me I was certain it must weigh at least a couple hundred pounds. A glass coffee table like his would no doubt instantly shatter under that kind of weight. He needed a sturdy TV pedestal made specifically for monster sized televisions.

One thing is for certain. Dangerous D will never have a career as an interior decorator.

Feeling like I had gone slightly overboard yelling at Dangerous D the night before I decided to try to make things right. Payday came and went a few days ago. I had a little cash left over. So I made what I thought was a sensible offer to Dangerous D. If he would keep his junk furniture in the garage I would buy him a TV pedestal as long as the cost did not go over $100. He agreed. Then he asked me, "wWouLD yOO lIKe TOo sSEe ThEE tEEVeE i BaWt?" I said sure. It would be good to get an idea of how big this thing really was, so I could figure out where to place it in the living room. While I was examining his new idiot box at the store Dangerous D could check out Best Buy's TV stands and hopefully pick one of them out. So we were off to Best Buy which was just across town. Dangerous D said he'd drive.

Only a few blocks away from the house I seriously regretted getting into a car with Dangerous D behind the wheel. He was all over the road cutting off other cars, merging into lanes without looking to see if anyone else was next to him first, and pulling into intersections when he shouldn't have. I found myself grasping a handle above my head with my right hand white knuckle style. Some people refer to those overhead handles in cars as an "Oh Shit" or a "Jesus" handle. That's because as you're hanging onto it for dear life in the seconds before being mangled in a brutal car accident you shout "Oh shit oh shit oh shit!" or "Oh Jesus oh Jesus oh Jeeeeeesus!" I reckoned there was a high probability of getting into a wreck thanks to Dangerous D's total lack of driving skills. Minutes later and many near broadside collisions later, we approached our destination. I silently told myself that if I were to live through this round trip and make it home alive in one piece, I would never ever get into a car with Dangerous D again.

Standing in the Best Buy Parking lot I looked back at his car. He couldn't even park his shit like a normal person. His ride was positioned totally cockeyed between those white lines on the pavement. Chump.

Inside Best Buy my adrenalin rush from nearly being killed slowly eased up. I broke a nervous sweat during the ride. Dangerous D took me to the television section of the store and pointed out the model he bought. I read the specs on it. Like I figured this silver grey colored beast of a TV weighed in at 207 pounds. Ruthless. Next to the card on the shelf listing that TV's price I noticed a bright yellow sign. It announced a special one month promotion. Buy this TV and get a free stand to put it on. Fuck me. As soon as I saw that my eyes rolled back into my skull. I said, "Hey D. What's this?" I pointed at the yellow square. He limped over and read it, then reacted with amazement. The little asshat bought this thing and didn't even know he got a free TV stand out of the deal.

I stopped a Best Buy employee and explained the situation. I mentioned that my friend here was a moron and asked if he "Could have his free TV stand now?" I carried the box containing Dangerous D's brand spanking new stand out to his car and jammed it into the back seat. After a nasty drive home I thanked numerous deities for sparing my miserable life, and for saving me a hundred bucks.