Bookcase And A Coffee Table
A few days before Dangerous D moved in I went to the hardware store and bought myself a new doorknob set for my bedroom door. I wanted one with a key so I could lock up my room whenever I left the house. It was just a precaution, I'd feel a little better knowing Dangerous D wouldn't be able to wander in and snoop around my room while I was out. Installing the lock was easy, it only took a few minutes. I realized that if someone really wanted to bust in they could kick the door down with little effort but it was better than nothing. I also cleared out half of the third bedroom which I used as an office. The only things I had left in there were a small computer desk and my PC. Dangerous D could use the other half of the room for his computer desk.
One afternoon at work as I was passing by Area 51 Dangerous D stopped me and mentioned that he would pay me his first month's rent as soon as he got his deposit back from his apartment manager. Somewhat baffled by this I said, "D, things don't work the way you're thinking. Most landlords don't instantly refund tenants' deposits the day they move out. They have to inspect the place for damage and deduct some of your money for cleaning and repair. You'll be lucky to see any of your money back within 60 days after you move out at the earliest. Didn't you know that?" Apparently, he didn't. All of a sudden I suspected he was so broke that he didn't even have the five hundred bucks to move in. I thought to myself, what have I gotten into now? Dangerous D assured me he'd have the money by the first of the month. I'd believe it when I saw it.
Much to my surprise on the day Dangerous D moved in he handed me a stack of cash. Five hundred on the nose. Whew.
If I didn't mention it before I probably should now. Dangerous D has some kind of impairment. He suffers from a disease or birth defect that has limited his ability to physically move and speak. He hobbles around and he's marginally able to drive a car. Even though walking is tough for him he refuses to use a cane. When he talks he sounds like someone pinched both his nostrils with a clothes pin. Words come out flat, loping, and stuttered with an occasional random falsetto tone thrown in for good measure. Listening to him in a conversation is sorta like riding a verbal rollercoaster. Totally wacky.
The following week after Dangerous D moved in I came home from work late one night and opened the front door to see an overturned book case lying on my livingroom floor. On top of it someone had placed an art-deco coffee table, it was a thick piece of glass that curved underneath itself on one side to form a leg. The other side had a single black metal cylinder for support. It looked insane sitting there slammed up against the wall. The bookcase was massive, it took up a wide area nearly reaching the fireplace leaving only a narrow amount of room to walk around it. As I was about to go upstairs and knock on Dangerous D's door to ask him what the hell was going on, he came downstairs. Smiling with that weird retarded grin of his he said, "HEeey. i wAaaanTeD tOoo TAaalK TOoo yOOu." Great. Maybe I could get to the bottom of this furniture abomination. He limped over to the center of the room and gestured out with both arms in the direction of his bookcase and table. "WhAaT DOoo YoOu thINk Oov tHIs? I AMm GooINg TOoo PUtt a TEeeVEE ThERE." He pointed at the glass coffee table. I looked at him, then back at the crap he stacked up, then back at him again and I said, "The fuck you are. That shit is going into the garage."
His smile instantly disappeared.
With a worried look he mentioned that he just bought a big screen television at Best Buy that afternoon which he spent $1,200 on. It was going to be delivered here later in the week. This was strange news to me. Dangerous D was cash strapped for his first month's rent yet he could afford an expensive TV just like that? It didn't make any sense.
One afternoon at work as I was passing by Area 51 Dangerous D stopped me and mentioned that he would pay me his first month's rent as soon as he got his deposit back from his apartment manager. Somewhat baffled by this I said, "D, things don't work the way you're thinking. Most landlords don't instantly refund tenants' deposits the day they move out. They have to inspect the place for damage and deduct some of your money for cleaning and repair. You'll be lucky to see any of your money back within 60 days after you move out at the earliest. Didn't you know that?" Apparently, he didn't. All of a sudden I suspected he was so broke that he didn't even have the five hundred bucks to move in. I thought to myself, what have I gotten into now? Dangerous D assured me he'd have the money by the first of the month. I'd believe it when I saw it.
Much to my surprise on the day Dangerous D moved in he handed me a stack of cash. Five hundred on the nose. Whew.
If I didn't mention it before I probably should now. Dangerous D has some kind of impairment. He suffers from a disease or birth defect that has limited his ability to physically move and speak. He hobbles around and he's marginally able to drive a car. Even though walking is tough for him he refuses to use a cane. When he talks he sounds like someone pinched both his nostrils with a clothes pin. Words come out flat, loping, and stuttered with an occasional random falsetto tone thrown in for good measure. Listening to him in a conversation is sorta like riding a verbal rollercoaster. Totally wacky.
The following week after Dangerous D moved in I came home from work late one night and opened the front door to see an overturned book case lying on my livingroom floor. On top of it someone had placed an art-deco coffee table, it was a thick piece of glass that curved underneath itself on one side to form a leg. The other side had a single black metal cylinder for support. It looked insane sitting there slammed up against the wall. The bookcase was massive, it took up a wide area nearly reaching the fireplace leaving only a narrow amount of room to walk around it. As I was about to go upstairs and knock on Dangerous D's door to ask him what the hell was going on, he came downstairs. Smiling with that weird retarded grin of his he said, "HEeey. i wAaaanTeD tOoo TAaalK TOoo yOOu." Great. Maybe I could get to the bottom of this furniture abomination. He limped over to the center of the room and gestured out with both arms in the direction of his bookcase and table. "WhAaT DOoo YoOu thINk Oov tHIs? I AMm GooINg TOoo PUtt a TEeeVEE ThERE." He pointed at the glass coffee table. I looked at him, then back at the crap he stacked up, then back at him again and I said, "The fuck you are. That shit is going into the garage."
His smile instantly disappeared.
With a worried look he mentioned that he just bought a big screen television at Best Buy that afternoon which he spent $1,200 on. It was going to be delivered here later in the week. This was strange news to me. Dangerous D was cash strapped for his first month's rent yet he could afford an expensive TV just like that? It didn't make any sense.
posted by factory_peasant at 11:23 AM
3 Comments:
Fp,
I knew you had some tribulations with D while he was renting from you but I never heard this one! SF told me he fronted D the 500 bucks for rent. I'll have to ask SF if he ever got reconcilled.
Im gonna be sending you something soon....
Shoelace
shoelaces-
got it, thanks. typical isn't it that the company would send out congratulatory letters to employees and set them up for award dinners AFTER they have been laid off. sent you a response about Ray's dinner. check it.
the rest of the $500/TV story is coming up this week. your question will be answered.
h33 h33,
my heart is a-flutter
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