Cowboy Cold

When you're in a living situation sharing a house with other people it doesn't take long to notice odd habits or unusual quirks about them. I've certainly got mine. Dangerous D has some really strange ones. For example, he likes to buy large bottles of juice and he never refrigerates them. After filling up his glass once the bottle will stay out on my kitchen countertop for days until colonies of white mold are floating on the surface of his juice. I deliberately waited to say something to him about his first couple of juice/mold experiments because I was curious. I wanted to see if he was going to drink that stuff as-is or I at least wanted to discover how long it would take him to throw the crap out. Nearly two weeks passed. I got tired of looking at it so I finally mentioned something to him.

"Hey D aren't you gonna throw your juice out? It's contaminated, like biohazardous waste."
"wWhAt?"
"Your cranberry juice out here. It's rotten. After you opened the juice you let it sit out at room temperature and it went bad. This stuff has to be refrigerated as soon as you open the bottle."
"i DIdn'T kNOw tHAtt."
"Huh? How could you not know? It's says right on the bottle 'refrigerate after opening.' Dump it out and next time put it in the 'fridge. Got it?"
"yEAh."

I feel like I'm living with an idiot child instead of a 20 plus year old grown man. Mommy and Daddy must not have spent much time with Dangerous D preparing him for adult life on his own.

Another peculiar thing Dangerous D does is leave his beer out. He likes to buy twelve packs of Coors Light in longneck bottles. He'll rip the container open and grab a beer but leave it on the kitchen floor. That's where it will stay for the next few days until he's drank them all. I asked him about that the other night. I said, "I guess you like drinking Cowboy Cold beer, huh?" He was confused, so I explained it to him.

"Back in the days of the Wild West, cowboys would travel on horseback across the great plains. They carried their beers in saddlebags and drank them warm. This was due to the fact that it took them a long time to discover rivers. When cowboys found a river they could put their beers in the water to cool them down before drinking them. But, after many years of drinking warm beer they were used to it and decided cold beers were not tasty. To this day most cowboys still drink their beer warm. On a Cowboy Cold scale of one to ten yippie-kai-yays, a room temperature beer would probably be a five or six. A beer that was left out baking in the afternoon sun all day would be ten yippie-kai-yays. Now, if you had put those beers in the 'fridge like you're supposed to they would only rate one yippie-kai-yay, because they'd actually be cold. The warmer your beer is the more Cowboy Cold it is. Get it?"

Evidently he didn't get it. Dangerous D is still buying those twelve packs of Coors Light and leaving them on the floor. Guess he must like the taste that way. He's a true Cowboy.