Go Read A Phone Book

Eat Monster has been shuffled around the instrument line from job to job and she managed to fuck everything up no matter where she was assigned. In my opinion, she's been a total waste. The other day Supertech caught her sitting in a conference room reading a phone book, cover to cover. He spied on her through the conference room door window and hot-footed it back to the line to tell me about it. Supertech was busting up with laughter while he described Eat Monster's intense concentration as she looked over advertisements in the yellow pages. It never crossed my mind that someone could actually read a phone book like it was a novel or something, but there she was thumbing through the business listings completely captivated. We mentioned the phone book episode to Squirmy. He seemed to like the idea of Eat Monster sitting in a conference room staying out of trouble, and if all it took was a phone book to keep her from ruining parts or causing herself bodily harm then so be it. Squirmy told Eat Monster that if she would like to come in to work and read the phone book for eight hours a day that was okay with him. This week that's all she has been doing and she seems very enthusiastic about it. She is all smiles and happy like when one of us tells her there is free food to be had somewhere in the building. It's entirely wacky. The Nurse and Squirmy are continuing to check on her through the shift just to make certain Eat Monster is alive and breathing. I sure hope Squirmy has some kind of battle plan up his sleeve for jettisoning this freak.