Getting The Boot

Jennifer doesn't want to have anything more to do with me. I left her a letter on top of the TV next to her precious remotes. I knew there would be no way she could miss it there since she's a TV junkie. We had a short conversation in the hallway at our house on Thursday or Friday and she said that no matter what I did, it was not going to make any difference to her. I had to leave. In a way it relieved me, I was suffering wondering if I could somehow make things all right again. Now I know what I have to do. I hope I can get out of here without Jennifer seeking some sort of petty revenge by destroying my things or stealing from me. I have to find a place to live, quickly. The longer I stay here with her the worse things will be. Jennifer will enjoy taking every opportunity to be cruel.

I offered to go to see a counsellor with her. Jennifer was rude and informed me I was the person that needed a therapist, not her. Somehow I think she is afraid of going to see one, it's as if she has too many skeletons in the closet and she doesn't want that closet door to be opened even for a moment. The bones might spill out onto the floor. Over all the years together I suspected something bad happened to her as a young girl. Perhaps she was sexually assaulted by a family member. It would explain her behavior in bed with me, to a point. Then again, maybe it is all my fault. I have no way of knowing and this causes me to go insane thinking about it. I need to get some answers to all the garbage floating around in my mind about what I've been through. I've decided to follow up with going to see a counsellor without Jennifer. I don't know what to expect. I'm nervous. I have always felt that people who go to counsellors are weak people, they have no inner strength and lack the intelligence to sort their own problems out. Maybe I'm one of those weak people.