Ergonomic Freaks

Ergonomics - 1. The applied science of equipment design, as for the workplace, intended to maximize productivity by reducing operator fatigue and discomfort. 2. The study of the design and arrangement of equipment so that people will interact with the equipment in healthy, comfortable, and efficient manner. As related to computer equipment, ergonomics is concerned with such factors as the physical design of the keyboard, screens, and related hardware, and the manner in which people interact with these hardware devices.

Freak - 1. A thing or occurrence that is markedly unusual or irregular. 2. An abnormally formed organism, especially a person or animal regarded as a curiosity or monstrosity. 3. An eccentric or nonconformist person.

Here at Bill and Dave's company you can never have enough Ergonomics Assessors. There's a virtual army of them lurking about. At any time they can magically appear in your area and descend upon you causing nothing but hardship and woe. What is an Ergonomics Assessor, you ask? It's a no-good one legged human with red eyes and a single yellow fang. Did I mention they are henchmen of Satan? Actually, it's a handicapped person whose full time job is to investigate the circumstances that lead to an employee's on the job injury. Or, they can investigate potential injury situations and make necessary changes to equipment and tooling so no injury ever takes place. Sounds good so far doesn't it? In reality, these people try to hoodwink you into thinking you're being hurt on the job every day. And they attempt to get you to buy in to their schemes. If you don't go along with them for whatever reasons, no matter how sound they may be, Ergo Assessors will come down on you hard like a ton of bricks. Basically, I've determined them to be nothing more than a dangerous nuisance.

Ergo Assessors work in devious ways. First, they'll inform you that your company area/site/division has the worst injury record in the company. I've had them approach me like this in a few different divisions and it's all bullshit. Next, they will inform you of an extremely important change they have to make in order to keep those injuries down and save the company loads of money. They will tell you that your most effective tool, or your best chair has to go away immediately because you're "at risk". Swiftly, they will spirit away your equipment no matter how much you protest and replace that equipment with substandard garbage. You're stuck with it, there's no recourse.

This scenario is what some of us refer to as "tell mode". Tell Mode is where the Ergo Freak comes into your space and tells you what equipment you're going to use, when you are going to use it, and how you are going to use it. Complain all you like it won't make any difference, their ears are closed. Ironically this is to a large extent the exact opposite of what their job really is. They are supposed to listen to the operator's input and take recommendations from the people actually using the tooling or equipment. "Work smarter, not harder!" is what they will holler back at you with a fiendish smile over your protests as they seize your best torque drivers and favorite comfy chair.

With few exceptions almost all of the Ergo Freaks have been seriously injured at one time or other on the job. They have crushed hips, bum legs, or blown out wrists from carpal tunnel. Bill and Dave's company thinks it's a wonderful idea to hire on the job injured employees as Ergo Assessors because it makes them passionate about keeping other employees from suffering the same injuries and pain that they have had to go through. What I have observed is that these Ergo Freaks have a vendetta against the company and instead they try to help questionable employees falsify questionable injuries so that they in turn can claim lucrative disability packages. It's a really fucked up revenge scene. Someday I'd like to catch one of them red-handed and have them busted down. It's a dream of mine...

The hunt for our prized tall Hubie carts seized by the Ergonomics team came to a sudden halt. We called their department to discover that they hauled the carts off site to be scrapped. Bastards. They told us the reason why they removed them from the production line is they were too tall and a 100 pound instrument could tip over and seriously hurt someone. Oh dear. It's never happened once on our line, and to our knowledege it's never happened anywhere in the entire company. Gary and I are now on a mission to make the Ergo Freaks pay for their crimes. Thanks to them we are in pain on a daily basis and we want our Hubie Carts back, God dammit!