1.9.2004

I guess that your perceptions are too difficult to shake. As far as "coaxing Mom". I do not, and never have. We have lived together for many years, and I simply try to help her speak. I have never "Allowed her or dis-allowed " her to speak to anyone. She wanted to talk with your Aunt the other day - I dialed the number for her ( but did not want to ). Mom talks with her God Mother Denzel in San Francisco, and frequently she stumbles for words, and I help her. I do not try to manipulate your mothers conversations. She can say whatever she wants. I invite you to call her, have an Attorney on the line with you, and ask her anything you wish. I will leave the house. You will find the conversation to be nearly impossible, unless maybe you catch her early in the morning.

Your Mother is NOT being "Abused" "Coaxed", or "Manipulated", in any way or fashion.
I suspect that your resources are limited, and the your Aunt will assist you with that. If you would like to have an Attorney come over and interview your mother, in my absence, be my guest. I doubt that nothing less than a "Media" Circus, would satisfy you. Your mother wishes to stay at home here. It is all that she has left in life. Her house her comfort, etc.

How about your thoughts as to what she needs ? What type of care does she need ? How many hours a day ? Do you want her to forcibly, against her will, be put into a home ? If I can work with your suggestions, I will try and do so. What type of help would satisfy you ??

In very real terms, our Retirement money is very limited. Most of what we have is invested, and about 1/3 of that belongs to the Feds in Taxes. If you want Mom in a home, say so. If you want Mom with round the clock care, by a professional nurse, than we have a scenario that will "Eat us Alive", and a home may be the way to go. The cash that I have saved, will last about 4+ months, and then we are into "Investments". Less if I see the Elder Law Attorney, and initiate Medicaid.( $6500 )

I just spoke with our Attorney ( a few minutes ago ) that did our initial legal work up here. He is coming by a 6:00 this evening, just to discuss a few matters. I told Mom about what was going on, and that there may be "Care" coming into our home . Mom went into instant crying and hysteria, and said that she wants to be left alone, especially by you and your Aunt. She does not want to be manipulated to do what you want. Nor does she want influence on her life by you. Mom said this morning that " She would kill herself, rather than be pushed around by you" ! NOW ! If you think that I am coercing your mother into making statements, or controlling her dialogue, I will pay for your round trip flight up here, to spend some time with your mother. You can ask her anything you wish, take her with you for a day, anything at all.

I am sorry that I wrote E-Mails to you with my head "spinning " most of the time. One of my closest Fire Dept friends that has remained my friend throughout all of this, recognizes that I am up and down emotionally, and also knows that most people would be. Hey, it's one of life's worse nightmares ! My life ,and your mothers, has been destroyed, by not one, but two illnesses - one if not both will be fatal.

So, I invite you to come up and see your mother at my/our expense. Round trip airfare on us. I will pay for a motel, whatever you want. Just come up and see your Mom, and get the whole picture from Mom herself. And you can question her all you want. Look for Bruises, question her doctor. I will make an appointment for you. Question our neighbors, question the waiters and waitresses that we have become friends with. You owe this much to your mother. You have seen her so little, called her so infrequently, and yet are able to judge her care. Curious ??

The only time that Mom was hurt up here, she was with your Aunt. She fell at Penny's. Mom does not fall with me, as I hold on to her. WE traverse snow an ice together, and no spills.

A few minutes ago, this letter was interupted by a couple that we know and like very much. They are Hispanic, and the wife would be happy to spend a couple of days a week with Mom for "openers", so that I can get a breather. She drives, has a car, and is very sweet. Not a stranger.

I do not recall anyone asking me what I would like, but, right now it would be for family members to just leave us alone.

I do not hate you, but, I expect that you have a great dislike or hatred for me. My goal, is to care for Mom, protect her wishes, and represent her in all matters. She designated me to do so, and I will abide by her wishes.

Dad