1.6.2004
This will be my last attempt to make any sense with you. I spoke with Ron, and told him of your comments regarding my saving money for Mom -"hoarding Money", "Deplorable", etc. Ron could not believe your train of thought, and it boggles my own mind. I sold my Motorcycle to add to this money. It is Mom's.
If you were familiar with Medicaid, and how ruthless they are with one's assetts, you might understand what I was trying to do. Based on a suggestion from yet another Attorney, over a month ago. Your thinking is based on ignorance, and not on how the system works.
As of this morning, Mom arose crying about,"how could her kids do this to her". She has spent two days extremely unhappy, crying, and the like. To be honest with you, at this point I wish that we had no family, no confusion, and could be left alone.
I could come up with many documents as to Mom's level of care. As far as your term of "my abusing the Fuck out of Mom", is concerned, it is very far from the truth. Frustrations, have been many for her and myself. She has been upset at times, and upsets very easily. So she goes over to her sister's ( not any more ) but did on occaision.
Mom asked me to call your aunt yesterday, and all Mom did was cry on the phone. She was not crying about anything that I did , but rather the "abuse" that you may be willing to put her through. She is scared to death, does not want to go into a home, and that is fine with me. You have found fault with just about everything that I have done, or did not do. What you do not know is that your mother has resisted all attempts at in house help, and would rather die than wind up in a Long Term Home.
Let me bring you up to speed. I will eventually lose everything that I have worked hard for. I do not have an illness, but, will have to pay the price due to Mom's illness, and that we are married. An Elder Law Attorney could help me to have a house to live in, and at my death, the house would belong to Medicaid.
I have not seen a plan from you for Mom's benefit. You have seen her so little, and talked less, that you could not know her requirements. I am not afraid of going to court against you, but, it will be Mom, that you will be upsetting and hurting the most. Unless you are just interested in doing dirty laundry in public.
So, in the absense of a plan from you ( other than I/WE need help ), why don't you tell me what will work ? Or, are you just going to try and stuff her in a home someplace ? A stranger for an 8 hour day is $160 -once a week is $680 out of our pockets for what ?? You have repeatedly given me generic instructions to get help, but, have no idea for what you are asking. Easy to do from 700 miles away, and also having not a cent of financial responsibility. So what am I to do ?? Hire some mexican girl to watch Mom, and go skiing ? Have help every day to the tune of $3600 per month ( 8 hour day - 20 days ). How about a plan from you, that will satisfy you. Mom has ( 3 ) Medical Insurance Policies that I pay for, none of them cover Long Term Care. You cannot get Long Term Care once a diagnosis is made ofAD.
You probably don't remember, but your aunt and mother were doing the same thing to grandma. Waiting to see when she just could not be alone any more. Neither one of them lived with her but, I do live with Mom.
Grandma lit herself on fire by accident. Were the girls to blame ? I think that they partially were at fault, for not recognizing the seriousness of her Alzheimer's.
Many people have visited us, many Dr's have seen Mom, and she is not getting abused. Many people know us better than you do, and that is all too obvious. Many neighbors have seen Mom over the past few years, and find that I try my very best with her. It took me a while to get used to the idea that our lives were changed forever, and that most of the things that we used to do, we can no longer do.
Traveling by car is impossible now, unless it is by motorhome. Traveling toilet !
Why don't you try calling Mom on the phone and talking with her yourself. It's been a very long time since her "caring" son has called her. I'll leave the house and you can ask your mother anything you want. Abuse, anything at all. Mom faces the possibilty of the return of Cancer. Not etched in stone, but, possible. Would a phone call to her be out of line ?? So far, you missed calling her on Thankgiving, Christmas, New Years, and in a few days, her 57th Birthday. Wonder what a judge would think about your lack of contact, concern? About your very strange perceptions with money ? Having a mother with AD, and Breast Cancer, and not taking time to call her with the simplest wish. You don't have to talk with me, as I would be glad to give the phone to your Mom, and give whatever privacy she needs.
Why don't you do something constructive, and present a plan for Mom's welfare. Something that we can discuss as you will not be paying for it. I personally do not feel that a home is the place for her yet. Maybe one day when she does not know any of us. She made me promise that I would not put her in a home, and that she could just die at our house..
So, there is much that you know nothing about. Come up with a plan for Mom that I can work with, or act out of "Hatred" and drag your Mom into a mess. Also in a last comment, I do not like being "Warned", especially by a person that cannot responsibly pay their own bills. Your admission ! If you can come up with a plan that is feasible, provides whatever it is that you think we need, than we can talk about it. You never offered "extensive talk" on the subject, just that I/WE need help.
Dad
If you were familiar with Medicaid, and how ruthless they are with one's assetts, you might understand what I was trying to do. Based on a suggestion from yet another Attorney, over a month ago. Your thinking is based on ignorance, and not on how the system works.
As of this morning, Mom arose crying about,"how could her kids do this to her". She has spent two days extremely unhappy, crying, and the like. To be honest with you, at this point I wish that we had no family, no confusion, and could be left alone.
I could come up with many documents as to Mom's level of care. As far as your term of "my abusing the Fuck out of Mom", is concerned, it is very far from the truth. Frustrations, have been many for her and myself. She has been upset at times, and upsets very easily. So she goes over to her sister's ( not any more ) but did on occaision.
Mom asked me to call your aunt yesterday, and all Mom did was cry on the phone. She was not crying about anything that I did , but rather the "abuse" that you may be willing to put her through. She is scared to death, does not want to go into a home, and that is fine with me. You have found fault with just about everything that I have done, or did not do. What you do not know is that your mother has resisted all attempts at in house help, and would rather die than wind up in a Long Term Home.
Let me bring you up to speed. I will eventually lose everything that I have worked hard for. I do not have an illness, but, will have to pay the price due to Mom's illness, and that we are married. An Elder Law Attorney could help me to have a house to live in, and at my death, the house would belong to Medicaid.
I have not seen a plan from you for Mom's benefit. You have seen her so little, and talked less, that you could not know her requirements. I am not afraid of going to court against you, but, it will be Mom, that you will be upsetting and hurting the most. Unless you are just interested in doing dirty laundry in public.
So, in the absense of a plan from you ( other than I/WE need help ), why don't you tell me what will work ? Or, are you just going to try and stuff her in a home someplace ? A stranger for an 8 hour day is $160 -once a week is $680 out of our pockets for what ?? You have repeatedly given me generic instructions to get help, but, have no idea for what you are asking. Easy to do from 700 miles away, and also having not a cent of financial responsibility. So what am I to do ?? Hire some mexican girl to watch Mom, and go skiing ? Have help every day to the tune of $3600 per month ( 8 hour day - 20 days ). How about a plan from you, that will satisfy you. Mom has ( 3 ) Medical Insurance Policies that I pay for, none of them cover Long Term Care. You cannot get Long Term Care once a diagnosis is made ofAD.
You probably don't remember, but your aunt and mother were doing the same thing to grandma. Waiting to see when she just could not be alone any more. Neither one of them lived with her but, I do live with Mom.
Grandma lit herself on fire by accident. Were the girls to blame ? I think that they partially were at fault, for not recognizing the seriousness of her Alzheimer's.
Many people have visited us, many Dr's have seen Mom, and she is not getting abused. Many people know us better than you do, and that is all too obvious. Many neighbors have seen Mom over the past few years, and find that I try my very best with her. It took me a while to get used to the idea that our lives were changed forever, and that most of the things that we used to do, we can no longer do.
Traveling by car is impossible now, unless it is by motorhome. Traveling toilet !
Why don't you try calling Mom on the phone and talking with her yourself. It's been a very long time since her "caring" son has called her. I'll leave the house and you can ask your mother anything you want. Abuse, anything at all. Mom faces the possibilty of the return of Cancer. Not etched in stone, but, possible. Would a phone call to her be out of line ?? So far, you missed calling her on Thankgiving, Christmas, New Years, and in a few days, her 57th Birthday. Wonder what a judge would think about your lack of contact, concern? About your very strange perceptions with money ? Having a mother with AD, and Breast Cancer, and not taking time to call her with the simplest wish. You don't have to talk with me, as I would be glad to give the phone to your Mom, and give whatever privacy she needs.
Why don't you do something constructive, and present a plan for Mom's welfare. Something that we can discuss as you will not be paying for it. I personally do not feel that a home is the place for her yet. Maybe one day when she does not know any of us. She made me promise that I would not put her in a home, and that she could just die at our house..
So, there is much that you know nothing about. Come up with a plan for Mom that I can work with, or act out of "Hatred" and drag your Mom into a mess. Also in a last comment, I do not like being "Warned", especially by a person that cannot responsibly pay their own bills. Your admission ! If you can come up with a plan that is feasible, provides whatever it is that you think we need, than we can talk about it. You never offered "extensive talk" on the subject, just that I/WE need help.
Dad
posted by factory_peasant at 10:29 AM
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