Under Pressure
In any relationship there is always going to be some level of strife. Autumn and I are no exception. Over long periods of time little insignificant nagging problems creep up and you have to work together to find solutions or side step them. You'll put in enough effort to keep an even keel if you care about the person you're involved with.
Autumn has claimed I put her under too much pressure when we're together on weekends. She complained that I never come up with any suggestions for activities, places to see and things to do. Autumn also feels stressed out when we are eating at restaurants because she always picks out what we're going to have. You know, like if we're at a pizza joint what kind of pizza are we going to eat. She's angry about that. I guess her grievances have been brewing for far too long a period of time and now this stuff is a big deal.
Funny thing is, when I used to come up with ideas of things to do on weekends Autumn nearly always shot my suggestions down. Do you want to go to the coast? "No." Do you want to go see a movie? "No." Do you want to go drive over to the city? "No." It is true I'm not a very creative or clever person when thinking of activities. That's something I need to work on. However when someone keeps making suggestions and they consistently get rejected, you eventually just shut up and go with whatever the other person wants to do. To me all that matters is we're spending time together.
Meals are another point of contention. I don't offer any opinions on dinner choices because Autumn seldom seems interested in what looks tasty to me on the menu. So I don't do it anymore. It's cool, I'll eat lots of stuff except for some seafoods and pork. I figure I'm accommodating her cuisine whims and it's all good even if we are served weird shit like eggplant pizza. Autumn doesn't see it as accommodation though. She thinks I'm being unhelpful and apathetic at the dinner table therefore I suck. I know, I'm a bad person.
I'm under constant pressure too. I feel like my main job to is make Autumn happy and I'm failing in that endeavor. Sometimes I'm confused and at a total loss for what it is I should be doing. What is the right thing to say to her in a given situation? How am I supposed to react? I dunno because I'm not a mind reader. Maybe that's how everything keeps getting screwed up. I simply don't have a clue and never did.
Lately Autumn has been hammering on me to get a lawyer and to invoke Adult Protective Services for Mom's benefit. I guess she wants me to challenge Dad's power of attorney. From what little I know about power of attorney it's virtually airtight. Nearly impossible to challenge legally. Adult Protective Services is an unknown. Autumn is backing me into a corner on this issue in particular. I've already got a lot to be stressed out about and I'm definitely losing sleep every night as it is. This week I am trying to pursue both of these fronts just to make Autumn ease up on me. I'm skeptical anything positive will come of it.
Autumn has claimed I put her under too much pressure when we're together on weekends. She complained that I never come up with any suggestions for activities, places to see and things to do. Autumn also feels stressed out when we are eating at restaurants because she always picks out what we're going to have. You know, like if we're at a pizza joint what kind of pizza are we going to eat. She's angry about that. I guess her grievances have been brewing for far too long a period of time and now this stuff is a big deal.
Funny thing is, when I used to come up with ideas of things to do on weekends Autumn nearly always shot my suggestions down. Do you want to go to the coast? "No." Do you want to go see a movie? "No." Do you want to go drive over to the city? "No." It is true I'm not a very creative or clever person when thinking of activities. That's something I need to work on. However when someone keeps making suggestions and they consistently get rejected, you eventually just shut up and go with whatever the other person wants to do. To me all that matters is we're spending time together.
Meals are another point of contention. I don't offer any opinions on dinner choices because Autumn seldom seems interested in what looks tasty to me on the menu. So I don't do it anymore. It's cool, I'll eat lots of stuff except for some seafoods and pork. I figure I'm accommodating her cuisine whims and it's all good even if we are served weird shit like eggplant pizza. Autumn doesn't see it as accommodation though. She thinks I'm being unhelpful and apathetic at the dinner table therefore I suck. I know, I'm a bad person.
I'm under constant pressure too. I feel like my main job to is make Autumn happy and I'm failing in that endeavor. Sometimes I'm confused and at a total loss for what it is I should be doing. What is the right thing to say to her in a given situation? How am I supposed to react? I dunno because I'm not a mind reader. Maybe that's how everything keeps getting screwed up. I simply don't have a clue and never did.
Lately Autumn has been hammering on me to get a lawyer and to invoke Adult Protective Services for Mom's benefit. I guess she wants me to challenge Dad's power of attorney. From what little I know about power of attorney it's virtually airtight. Nearly impossible to challenge legally. Adult Protective Services is an unknown. Autumn is backing me into a corner on this issue in particular. I've already got a lot to be stressed out about and I'm definitely losing sleep every night as it is. This week I am trying to pursue both of these fronts just to make Autumn ease up on me. I'm skeptical anything positive will come of it.
posted by factory_peasant at 10:39 AM
4 Comments:
I've had a few relationships that were a lot like that, including my last one.
While trying to work out the problems we had I found a word durring a google search that now has deep personal meaning for me.
Codependence
I meantion it because finding that word was how I broke into "Step Two" understanding the pattern ;)
If you haven't read about it I strongly recommend you spend some time researching it.
The word is often connected with substance abuse, but don't give up on it if that doesn't fit at all.
It is also a bit of a popular psycology buzz word, but don't let that turn you off either.
Wad- at this time there was open, hateful conflict between my dad and me and it had been that way for a long while. Autumn's involvement poured gasoline onto the fire...
zz- you and spared seem to have some good insights and can relate to shit i was going through. thanks for the continued comments. it's good to know i'm not the only person out there who has had a rough time.
back in my july 2005 archives here on bill and dave you will find a post titled "Breakdown." when and if you have the time/interest you should read it. i think you will find it particularly relevant to your comment.
Do you have good times with your broad? When you read your friend's g-friend probs they are like, one sided and all that..
If this is the full spectrum of it then you need to freeze her in carbonite and swap her for spice at some Ferengi trading post...
www.ISEEROBOTS.COM
THIS AINT A BUBBLE BATH IT'S A HOVERCRAFT... TURBOBOOST....
ben octagon- yeah man autumn and i had plenty of good times. that's one of the reasons why i was so tore up when the relationship ended. autumn was my closest friend.
i've given this some thought because where i'm going with future posts will be increasingly negative. why? i'm trying to get a bunch of stuff off my chest and out of my system once and for all. writing is a good way for me to purge myself of the poison.
i could spend a great deal of time writing about the fun stuff autumn and i did together but i can assure you it would be fairly boring reading material. also, it's important to note that many weeks or months passed between these stories taking place. this isn't real-time yet...
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