Layoff Predictions

Tension at work is very very high. Weeks are dragging by slowly as everyone here tediously waits for news from Supergeek about coming layoffs. There is a strong possibility I may lose my job along with many other employees. Factors I expect to make a difference in staying or hitting the unemployment line will likely include how many years of service an employee has put in, politics with management, useful on the job skills an individual possesses, and how critical of a position each person's job is. Some employees are indispensable while others are entirely expendable.

Now I'd like to take a moment to mention a handful of idiots I would love to see thrown out during the layoffs. I've been daydreaming, imagining myself surviving the axe to watch with glee from the sidelines as dickheads I've run across here over the years are told to get the fuck out. Some people have earned being fired with a vengeance. Sadly I'd hate to see them be rewarded for a job not well done with severance money from this company but getting rid of them by any means will be good for those left still standing. I'm sure I'll think of some more jerks that I'd like to see forced to leave but for now here's some of the top fuckups that should go bye-bye. Let's review who these scumbags are and what their crimes have been.

Super Shopper - Queen of the dingbat housewives, this overweight simpleton with the brain capacity of a ball bearing is one of the most obnoxious women I have ever met here at the company formerly known as Bill and Dave's. With a third grade education Super Shopper routinely spends most of her time on the clock causing personality conflicts with other people in the instrument assembly area. Frequently these petty brawls result in one or more persons complaining to management for half the shift about the other dingbat. She also excels at making foolish mistakes in workmanship and blaming it on other employees, especially temporary workers. Temps have no real ability to defend themselves against this kind of crap so they've effectively been sabotaged by Super Shopper. Her trainee temporary employees usually end up losing their jobs thanks to this cranky old bitch. Phone abuse is another of her favorite time wasting methods. Each night Super Shopper spends far too much time making calls to her family members rather than do any work. This also means everyone within a quarter mile of her has to hear that annoying voice of hers. Super Shopper is a jaw jacking motormouth so the phone abuse makes it that much worse to be around her. We also have to hear her incessant babbling about retail adventures she's had at the Dollar Store and or Target on a day to day basis.

Verdict: Super Shopper is ugly and she stinks. She has wasted 20 years worth of this company's time and resources. I am sick of looking at her, sick of hearing her mouth. She has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and should be removed post haste, preferably fired.

Potatohead - A production line supervisor with absolutely no ability to run a business in any way, shape, or form. He will waste no time in running his assigned area straight into the ground. He alienates everyone who is misfortunate enough to be working for him with the exception of shameless kiss asses and boot lickers, whom he prefers over competent staff. Surrounding himself with chronic non-performers and dead weight, he will go out of his way to personally persecute anyone of real worth. He routinely belittles employees who do not agree with his retarded opinions and strives to cause arguments. Potatohead is goofy lookin'. He gets my vote for being one of the all-time worst managers I have ever worked for at any company. I demand his death.

Greasy Guy - An electronic technician with little aptitude for his assigned role. More talk than anything else, Greasy Guy constantly charges mass amounts of overtime hours every week that he never worked. He deliberately hinders the production area, specifically Mini-Rel testing, so that he can continue to milk overtime for all that it's worth. This past year he claimed $20,000 in overtime hours and he didn't work one minute of it. In the meantime he spends a great deal of his time stalking female employees in other departments instead of performing the most basic of job duties. I am truly amazed he hasn't been accused of sexual harassment. Perhaps the women he constantly pesters feel sorry for him. The one awesome skill Greasy Guy does in fact have is the ability to bullshit managers who question his performance and daily throughput of completed work. He is one of the best bullshit artists I have ever seen, period.

Verdict: As soon as our institutional stock shareholders and customers find out Greasy Guy is no longer an employee of this company, sales will increase overnight and our stock price will skyrocket. Needs to use soap and water on a daily basis instead of on a weekly or bi-monthly basis. Should cease coming in to work on Halloween dressed as Little Bo Peep or as a female Soviet arm-wrestler.

The Drunk - Man hating butch of a lesbian who enjoys showing up to work most mornings completely hammered out of her mind. More often than not The Drunk is missing in action on the shop floor even when she's sitting at her desk. She is negligent with capital spending and has easily lost this company hundreds of thousands of dollars by mismanaging instrument transfer projects and new product introductions. The Drunk also likes to play favorites with her employees, naturally gravitating to butt snorkels. She has placed non-performing pet employees in critical job positions as favors to them instead of giving open job positions to those who were qualified to actually do the work. The Drunk is extremely ugly and it hurts my eyeballs whenever I have to look at her.

Meth - Total fool of the white trash kind. Deliberately destroys expensive instrument components on a whim just to satisfy his childlike curiosity whenever he's bored which is often. He is not intelligent enough to study for or pass tests in an online electronic technician degree program, so his technician girlfriend helped him cheat/take tests for him. Got the degree and got the tech position but doesn't know WTF he's doing. He is a fraud. Enjoys causing conflicts with fellow employees, particularly older women. If he can run women off the line or drive them to tears he's a happy man. Meth never should have been given a full time permanent position with this company but thanks to a few misguided people who felt sorry for him they gave the guy a shot. Note to people who feel sorry for losers like Meth: when you hire shitheads like this asshat, bad stuff happens. Meth can't get along here with anyone. He fails in every aspect of work and has to resort to kiss ass tactics in order to get ahead. If there was a worldwide king of the kiss asses, Meth would probably wear that crown.

Dangerous D - Retard from Kansas who hates Mexicans and has the IQ of a turnip. Supposedly he is an electronic technician but in reality Dangerous D isn't smart enough to technician his way out of a wet paper bag. I doubt he can identify the positive side of a AA battery. He also makes for a shitty room mate.

The Troll - Ugly. Real ugly. Burns people at the drop of a hat to get ahead in that game of corporate chutes and ladders. Goes out of her way to hassle production workers and runs to management with trumped up complaints about employees she personally dislikes. Reasonably inept at her Material Coordination job that she railroaded me out of. The Troll is in need of a revenge special delivery. Karma is slowly getting the best of her though. She's sabotaged so many people over the years that a huge ball of invisible bad energy hovers just above her dopey noggin wherever she goes. The bad energy has attacked her scalp, causing her to go bald.

Miss Auschwitz - Pesky Ergonomics Assessor that acts like a SS prison guard at a Nazi death camp. Miss Auschwitz is on a power trip from hell. She causes more employees to be injured on the job than she prevents by removing useful equipment from production areas and replacing those items with dangerous or defective machinery and tooling that nobody asked for. Miss Auschwitz secretly hates this company because she claims the kind of work we do gave her severe carpal tunnel in both wrists. I think she is a bad actress and simply didn't want to work in a production capacity anymore so she exaggerated the details of her problem. As a result she was manage moved into an Ergo job and now she helps other employees rip off the company by filing bogus job injury claims to management and OSHA. Miss Auschwitz causes arguments with people wherever she goes around here and constantly has to apologize to employees that she's been rude to. As the years pass by, she appears to be more mentally unstable.