Dangerous D Stories
In the months that followed after the first wave of layoffs I was able to remain informed on what Dangerous D was up to after losing his job and being kicked out of my place. I was curious to know what happened to him. He relocated to an expensive apartment complex right across the street from our factory and went back to school to become a radio disc jockey. He used a considerable amount of his severance money to grow weed, which he had never done before. A large portion of his cash also went to buy tons of electronic music gear. Dangerous D quickly became broke and desperate. Here's some of what happened to the little guy.
Smoldering Carpet
Dangerous D started a weed growing operation in his apartment. He doesn't know the first thing about growing pot so he's hooked up with another grommet that claimed to know what was what and help set him up. Apparently he's got a section of his place closed off with blackout curtains of some kind. Using extremely high powered grow lights on his plants during the day, he's managed to forget about them on at least one occasion. D left his apartment with the grow lights on and came back late that night to find the carpet around his plants was smoldering from the grow lights. He's lucky the place didn't catch fire and burn down. He's so stupid that most days he has his balcony lined with small pot plants in plain view. Seems like an easy bust for the cops to make and I'm amazed his neighbors haven't called it in yet.
Yahoo Personals
The other day at work we were talking about Dangerous D. I mentioned to the guys he used to have a personal ad up on Yahoo that was ridiculous. Figuring D might have a new ad up I decided to punch in his information and see if he was in there. Sure enough I found his goofy ad and called a bunch of people over to take a look. Damn, it was funny. Since losing his job here he hasn't been working anywhere. He claimed in his personal ad that he was a sound recording engineer that was making $99,000 a year income. The writeup about himself was hilarious because he emphasized how important HONESTY was to him in a relationship. Yeah, it was so important that he lied about his current employment and how much money he was making. D's real yearly income at the time was $0. Also of particular interest was his height requirements for the ladies. He was interested in women that were 3 feet tall. Now what I wanted to know was, besides dwarves and midgets the only women that tall would have to be like six years old or some shit. Everyone at work who read his personal ad was busting up laughing. D is a giant mongloid despite the fact that he's only four feet tall.
Mike's Burgers
I heard a great story about Dangerous D. He has been going through schooling for a career in music or radio. Through school he got a job as an intern at a local radio station. They aren't paying the interns anything so as a thank you gift for their hard work the radio station gave all their interns a coupon for a free lunch over at Mike's Burgers. Mike's is one of the best burger joints in the county. Anyway, D wanted to look like a cool guy big shot for some of his so-called friends. He invited about ten people out to Mike's for lunch on his dime. When the bill came, Dangerous D handed the waitress ten free lunch coupons and they went on their merry way. Not long afterward D was fired from the radio station. The reason? Dangerous D had made photocopies of that free lunch coupon for Mike's and he didn't realize each coupon had a serial number on it. When Mike's Burgers presented the radio station with a bill for ten meals they easily traced the serial number back to their nitwit intern and threw him out of the radio station.
Car Alarm
This is super sweet. Dangerous D drove over to San Francisco a while back to hit some rapmaster thug dance club. He thinks he's a funklord DJ now so he wanted to rub elbows with the club's DJs. At the sound booth he dropped off his leather jacket and hobbled out to the dance floor. Hours later on in the evening he came back to fetch his leather jacket. It was gone, and in it's place there was a ratty old leather jacket with holes in it. His car keys were gone, along with his cell phone. Rummaging through jacket pockets he discovered a broken cell phone. Obviously no one at the club knew anything about his shit so he was forced to break into his own car and hotwire it to get home.
Breaking a back window in his car, he climbed in over the rear seats and busted the crap out of his ignition switch wiring to start his crummy Pontiac. Dangerous D was successful getting it to run but the car's alarm wouldn't shut off. He drove North on 101 for 45 minutes late at night with his headlights flashing and the car horn blaring. Weeks later, Shoelaces was getting his swing shift lunch at a place called The Teriyaki Bowl which happened to be nearby the factory. As Shoelaces was sitting inside waiting for his to-go order, a car pulled up in front of the restaurant with flashing headlights and it's horn beeping non stop. In walked Dangerous D like a mac daddy pimp with a fat girl hanging on his arm and a walking cane in his hand. After D got his order he told Shoelaces to "ssSaAaay hElLo tOo aLLL mY hOmIEs" at work. As soon as D and his fat girl were back in the car it's alarm fired up and the headlights went back to flashing like a cop car.
How in the hell can Dangerous D be driving that heap around like that and not get busted? He's got out of state license plates, bad registration, expired driver's license, no insurance, and a broken out rear window. If I was a cop and I saw a car hauling down the road with the alarm going off I'd be at least remotely curious. Any police officer pulling that retarded over would end up with the traffic bust of the century and probably receive "Cop of the Month" award from his police chief. Why he hasn't been nabbed yet is beyond me.
On Air
I never would have thought it possible but D got himself a job at another local radio station. He's still an intern but they've given him some air time. I'm sure he's stoked about it but the nature of the show is actually making fun of him. He's probably not smart enough to realize the joke is on him. Howard Stern frequently has guests on his show that are retarded. The local station is doing a Howard Stern sort of routine where they have Dangerous D read a line from a rap song on air. D's speaking voice is so screwed up it's hard to tell what he's actually saying. Callers are supposed to guess which song it is. If they get it right and win, D then reads the song's entire lyrics and the radio station sends the caller a free CD. His chosen on air personality name is Dangerous D. When I start writing about him that's what I'll use...
Smoldering Carpet
Dangerous D started a weed growing operation in his apartment. He doesn't know the first thing about growing pot so he's hooked up with another grommet that claimed to know what was what and help set him up. Apparently he's got a section of his place closed off with blackout curtains of some kind. Using extremely high powered grow lights on his plants during the day, he's managed to forget about them on at least one occasion. D left his apartment with the grow lights on and came back late that night to find the carpet around his plants was smoldering from the grow lights. He's lucky the place didn't catch fire and burn down. He's so stupid that most days he has his balcony lined with small pot plants in plain view. Seems like an easy bust for the cops to make and I'm amazed his neighbors haven't called it in yet.
Yahoo Personals
The other day at work we were talking about Dangerous D. I mentioned to the guys he used to have a personal ad up on Yahoo that was ridiculous. Figuring D might have a new ad up I decided to punch in his information and see if he was in there. Sure enough I found his goofy ad and called a bunch of people over to take a look. Damn, it was funny. Since losing his job here he hasn't been working anywhere. He claimed in his personal ad that he was a sound recording engineer that was making $99,000 a year income. The writeup about himself was hilarious because he emphasized how important HONESTY was to him in a relationship. Yeah, it was so important that he lied about his current employment and how much money he was making. D's real yearly income at the time was $0. Also of particular interest was his height requirements for the ladies. He was interested in women that were 3 feet tall. Now what I wanted to know was, besides dwarves and midgets the only women that tall would have to be like six years old or some shit. Everyone at work who read his personal ad was busting up laughing. D is a giant mongloid despite the fact that he's only four feet tall.
Mike's Burgers
I heard a great story about Dangerous D. He has been going through schooling for a career in music or radio. Through school he got a job as an intern at a local radio station. They aren't paying the interns anything so as a thank you gift for their hard work the radio station gave all their interns a coupon for a free lunch over at Mike's Burgers. Mike's is one of the best burger joints in the county. Anyway, D wanted to look like a cool guy big shot for some of his so-called friends. He invited about ten people out to Mike's for lunch on his dime. When the bill came, Dangerous D handed the waitress ten free lunch coupons and they went on their merry way. Not long afterward D was fired from the radio station. The reason? Dangerous D had made photocopies of that free lunch coupon for Mike's and he didn't realize each coupon had a serial number on it. When Mike's Burgers presented the radio station with a bill for ten meals they easily traced the serial number back to their nitwit intern and threw him out of the radio station.
Car Alarm
This is super sweet. Dangerous D drove over to San Francisco a while back to hit some rapmaster thug dance club. He thinks he's a funklord DJ now so he wanted to rub elbows with the club's DJs. At the sound booth he dropped off his leather jacket and hobbled out to the dance floor. Hours later on in the evening he came back to fetch his leather jacket. It was gone, and in it's place there was a ratty old leather jacket with holes in it. His car keys were gone, along with his cell phone. Rummaging through jacket pockets he discovered a broken cell phone. Obviously no one at the club knew anything about his shit so he was forced to break into his own car and hotwire it to get home.
Breaking a back window in his car, he climbed in over the rear seats and busted the crap out of his ignition switch wiring to start his crummy Pontiac. Dangerous D was successful getting it to run but the car's alarm wouldn't shut off. He drove North on 101 for 45 minutes late at night with his headlights flashing and the car horn blaring. Weeks later, Shoelaces was getting his swing shift lunch at a place called The Teriyaki Bowl which happened to be nearby the factory. As Shoelaces was sitting inside waiting for his to-go order, a car pulled up in front of the restaurant with flashing headlights and it's horn beeping non stop. In walked Dangerous D like a mac daddy pimp with a fat girl hanging on his arm and a walking cane in his hand. After D got his order he told Shoelaces to "ssSaAaay hElLo tOo aLLL mY hOmIEs" at work. As soon as D and his fat girl were back in the car it's alarm fired up and the headlights went back to flashing like a cop car.
How in the hell can Dangerous D be driving that heap around like that and not get busted? He's got out of state license plates, bad registration, expired driver's license, no insurance, and a broken out rear window. If I was a cop and I saw a car hauling down the road with the alarm going off I'd be at least remotely curious. Any police officer pulling that retarded over would end up with the traffic bust of the century and probably receive "Cop of the Month" award from his police chief. Why he hasn't been nabbed yet is beyond me.
On Air
I never would have thought it possible but D got himself a job at another local radio station. He's still an intern but they've given him some air time. I'm sure he's stoked about it but the nature of the show is actually making fun of him. He's probably not smart enough to realize the joke is on him. Howard Stern frequently has guests on his show that are retarded. The local station is doing a Howard Stern sort of routine where they have Dangerous D read a line from a rap song on air. D's speaking voice is so screwed up it's hard to tell what he's actually saying. Callers are supposed to guess which song it is. If they get it right and win, D then reads the song's entire lyrics and the radio station sends the caller a free CD. His chosen on air personality name is Dangerous D. When I start writing about him that's what I'll use...
posted by factory_peasant at 11:58 AM
4 Comments:
What a winner. P-I-M-P!
oh no i ment weiner G-I-M-P!
d-t
devil-t wat is up?
wad- yeah i think the timing getting rid of dangerous d was excellent. you like Mike's place too huh? i really dig his pesto burger. that kicks my ass every time. btw TC wanted his post moved to the previous one about layoffs. confused? me too.
OMGHI2U!!11!!!one!!!
The car alarm story had me bustin up laughing. And yes, Mikes burgers are great, I do wish they had fries though .
raZor what is up man? hey gotta get that Q3 disc back from you soon. gonna build up a hotrod PC for Senor23 in the next week or two and i must get him a copy. sorry about realm104 i haven't felt inspired to continue the UCC thing to look for bugs but i'll be back on it soon. i have to get some more of this stuff here going first. uhuh.
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