Spare Change

In Sources' test area there is a group of technicians who have been tasked with the upkeep and maintenance of all our equipment. It's a tough job. They're responsible for everything on the shop floor from automated test systems to individual stand alone racks. We've got hundreds of instruments to keep track of in test systems alone. Any time a unit goes kaput for whatever reason, those guys have to swap it out with a functional calibrated replacement as soon as possible. That's only one of their daily headaches. Each instrument is calibrated and good for one year of operation from the date it was in the cal lab before it's due for recalibration. Usually a few weeks before the cal drop dead date they pull the box, replace it with a good spare and send the stale box out to the lab. Units are constantly due for recalibration.

Big Dog is the guy in charge of equipment maintenance. He's got a deadpan sense of humor packed into his stocky frame. Great guy, really. His laugh is deep and he has a good time making wisecracks at those who have earned them. I like the man because he's funny as hell. Big Dog has a handful of technicians working with him to make sure all our test gear is in good working order and that every test rack is fixed up promptly when bad shit happens. Bad shit happens to instruments alot around here. Big Dog's little group of techs are buried to their eyes in work and somewhat stressed out as a result. Since we've been hiring people like crazy Big Dog was able to add one more tech to his team. His new employee is named Rich.

Rich is a nice enough fellow. But he's got a few nagging problems that are hard to overlook. Rich talks too much for anyone's liking. He won't shut up no matter how hard you try to make him quiet down. You'll hear over and over again about how he's gone to school to become an engineer and he will describe in great detail why he feels the work he is doing for us is below his lofty capabilities. I have a rough time looking at him while he speaks because he always seems to have a white glob of goo hanging onto his lips. As his mouth opens the glob turns into a stringy mass of gunk. Then there's his smell. Rich is odoriferous and not in a good way. Oh yes, and he's got a chronic butt-crack problem. He won't wear a belt to hold up his pants. Frequently you can find Rich in the forward flow test area stooping over in front of a broken piece of equipment. Passing by you will receive an unwanted eye-full of ass crack, guaranteed.

The women working around Rich don't dig his stink or having to view his daily rear end peep show. A few of them went to Rich's boss and complained about him. Shit always rolls down hill. Rich's supervisor is a tall, skinny redneck with a massive hook nosed beak on his face that reminds me of Ichabod Crane. Ichabod didn't want to deal with telling one of his employees to use soap with water and a use a belt with pants. So Icahabod did as many mangers do, he deferred the problem back to a subordinate employee thereby ducking his responsibility as a supervisor. Big Dog was ordered to corner Rich and have a heart to heart talk concerning his personal hygiene issues. Reluctantly, Big Dog did as he was instructed. This wasn't something he felt was his job to be doing but he had no choice. He sat down with Rich privately and told him in a blunt but tactful way that Rich needed to shape up.

Weeks passed. Rich continued stinking and he continued showing off his rowdy butt-crack to everyone in the department. Another round of complaints from female employees resulted. Big Dog wisely decided on a stronger method of communicating with Rich. He collected a large handful of change, and waited for an opportunity to strike. He didn't have to wait long. Big Dog found Rich one afternoon in the test area squatting over a busted piece of gear with his ass hanging out in the wind. He grabbed his fistful of coins, held them over Rich's sagging pants, and let go. A shower of spare change dumped into Rich's ass-crack which startled him. Abruptly he stood up to face Big Dog. There was anger in his eyes. Big Dog smiled and calmly said to Rich, "You can keep that."

Rich finally got the message.