Prove It
Musclehead and I have been perplexed. Deadwood has been telling us that she used to be skinny, and Wingnut Dan says he's happily married to a totally hot looking woman. Neither Musclehead or myself are convinced about their stories so we've challenged both of them to cough up with the proof.
Sure as shit, Deadwood brought in dozens of pictures from the seventies when she was in her early to mid 20s. My jaw dropped. Instead of being the 300+ pound beast that she is today, she was thin as a rail and wearing skin tight clothes. In one shot, she had on a fire engine red minidress with matching long sleeve coat. She looked kinda hot, actually. I kept staring at the photo in my hand and the beast standing in front of me. It was like all data was lost. It didn't compute. Skinny broad in the picture, behemoth lurking a few feet away. They were the same person. I could see it. Somehow none of it made sense to my puny mortal brain. But there it was. Deadwood was treated poorly by one guy from the sound of things. One guy only. That changed her life forever and she never dated again. She told me a little bit about that night. There's a remote road near the coast called Coleman Valley. I've been there and hung out drinking myself into total oblivion on a couple of occasions. The road is a great place to hang out at night because you can see out to the ocean on the ridges and about sixty miles South. From there you can watch jumbo jets come in for landings at SFO on a clear night. For Deadwood on her fateful night out there I guess something evil happened. She's been alone ever since.
Wingnut Dan fired up his email account and showed Musclehead and I a few pictures of his wife. I couldn't believe it. His wife is totally fine. Absolute drop dead gorgeous knockout. Both of us were gawking at the photos on the computer screen before us, and looking at one another like, "Is this shit for real"? I don't know how Dan pulled it off, but I have to give the guy props. She's damn beautiful. They met in high school and he's been with her ever since. Lucky motherfucker. Boggles my mind though, why she's with him. I mean, he's a straight up goofball. I don't know how guys like him get away with shit like that.
Sure as shit, Deadwood brought in dozens of pictures from the seventies when she was in her early to mid 20s. My jaw dropped. Instead of being the 300+ pound beast that she is today, she was thin as a rail and wearing skin tight clothes. In one shot, she had on a fire engine red minidress with matching long sleeve coat. She looked kinda hot, actually. I kept staring at the photo in my hand and the beast standing in front of me. It was like all data was lost. It didn't compute. Skinny broad in the picture, behemoth lurking a few feet away. They were the same person. I could see it. Somehow none of it made sense to my puny mortal brain. But there it was. Deadwood was treated poorly by one guy from the sound of things. One guy only. That changed her life forever and she never dated again. She told me a little bit about that night. There's a remote road near the coast called Coleman Valley. I've been there and hung out drinking myself into total oblivion on a couple of occasions. The road is a great place to hang out at night because you can see out to the ocean on the ridges and about sixty miles South. From there you can watch jumbo jets come in for landings at SFO on a clear night. For Deadwood on her fateful night out there I guess something evil happened. She's been alone ever since.
Wingnut Dan fired up his email account and showed Musclehead and I a few pictures of his wife. I couldn't believe it. His wife is totally fine. Absolute drop dead gorgeous knockout. Both of us were gawking at the photos on the computer screen before us, and looking at one another like, "Is this shit for real"? I don't know how Dan pulled it off, but I have to give the guy props. She's damn beautiful. They met in high school and he's been with her ever since. Lucky motherfucker. Boggles my mind though, why she's with him. I mean, he's a straight up goofball. I don't know how guys like him get away with shit like that.
posted by factory_peasant at 9:31 PM
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