Paranoia
I live in a paranoid world here at TDS. Well, some would call me paranoid, but I like to consider myself being in a constant state of "hightened awareness" rather than simply being paranoid.
Recently I've had a few incidents later in the evening around the parking lot and the building. I've spotted an individual sneaking around the building. Each time I've tried to catch up to the person they've done a quick job of ditching me. Seems very suspicious. I've talked to John about it after the third time and he was concerned. It could be nothing, but he doesn't want to take any chances. It could be someone trying to dig through the trash bins for a bit of something that might be useful to them, it could be someone casing the area and trying to gather information on employees. John also mentioned some of the swing shift ladies have noticed a person lurking around a few times and they've been worried about getting mugged or raped or some shit. John wants me to try and get a licensce plate from the individual's car, if I can. Of course that's if I happen to be lucky enough to follow the person to his car.
John's solution for the short term is to have me lock down the company parking lot each night. There's no need to freak everyone out that something devious may be going down so he sent out the following memo to everyone this week:
To: Swing Shift Employees
From: Facility Security Officer
Subject: Parking Lot Gate
The increased number of swing shift personnel necessitates a change in the closure time of the parking lot gate. Effective tonight, the gate will be secured at 7pm.
Using the paging system, Factory Peasant will make an announcement 10-15 minutes prior to the gate closing. Anyone wishing to move his/her vehicle out of the parking lot should do so at that time. Otherwise, the vehicles will remain inside the secured parking lot until the end of swing shift when Factory Peasant will unlock the gate.
In the case of an emergency when an employee must end their shift prior to their regularly designated end of shift, Factory Peasant or Mr. Janitor will unlock the gate.
Mr. Janitor has also volunteered to escort employees to their respective vehicles at night. If you wish to avail yourself of this service, please contact Mr. Janitor, but allow sufficient time for him to respond. Concurrently, it is recommended that you park your vehicle near the parking lot entrance to take advantage of the lighting on the west side of the building.
Please direct any questions or suggestions to Mr. Janitor, Factory Peasant, or the Security Office.
John
It's laughable that Mr. Janitor is going to protect the women as they leave the building each evening. That guy is so fat and so useless he'd probably get knocked out by a mugger in a split second. I mean, what's he gonna do, stop a criminal with his stink? More than likely all his stench is gonna do is piss off a mugger even more. Well, whatever. This is just one more thing I gotta do around here and still no raise. I've got to direct the swing shift, lock down the building, lock down the parking lot, and all for seven bucks an hour. What a drag.
Recently I've had a few incidents later in the evening around the parking lot and the building. I've spotted an individual sneaking around the building. Each time I've tried to catch up to the person they've done a quick job of ditching me. Seems very suspicious. I've talked to John about it after the third time and he was concerned. It could be nothing, but he doesn't want to take any chances. It could be someone trying to dig through the trash bins for a bit of something that might be useful to them, it could be someone casing the area and trying to gather information on employees. John also mentioned some of the swing shift ladies have noticed a person lurking around a few times and they've been worried about getting mugged or raped or some shit. John wants me to try and get a licensce plate from the individual's car, if I can. Of course that's if I happen to be lucky enough to follow the person to his car.
John's solution for the short term is to have me lock down the company parking lot each night. There's no need to freak everyone out that something devious may be going down so he sent out the following memo to everyone this week:
To: Swing Shift Employees
From: Facility Security Officer
Subject: Parking Lot Gate
The increased number of swing shift personnel necessitates a change in the closure time of the parking lot gate. Effective tonight, the gate will be secured at 7pm.
Using the paging system, Factory Peasant will make an announcement 10-15 minutes prior to the gate closing. Anyone wishing to move his/her vehicle out of the parking lot should do so at that time. Otherwise, the vehicles will remain inside the secured parking lot until the end of swing shift when Factory Peasant will unlock the gate.
In the case of an emergency when an employee must end their shift prior to their regularly designated end of shift, Factory Peasant or Mr. Janitor will unlock the gate.
Mr. Janitor has also volunteered to escort employees to their respective vehicles at night. If you wish to avail yourself of this service, please contact Mr. Janitor, but allow sufficient time for him to respond. Concurrently, it is recommended that you park your vehicle near the parking lot entrance to take advantage of the lighting on the west side of the building.
Please direct any questions or suggestions to Mr. Janitor, Factory Peasant, or the Security Office.
John
It's laughable that Mr. Janitor is going to protect the women as they leave the building each evening. That guy is so fat and so useless he'd probably get knocked out by a mugger in a split second. I mean, what's he gonna do, stop a criminal with his stink? More than likely all his stench is gonna do is piss off a mugger even more. Well, whatever. This is just one more thing I gotta do around here and still no raise. I've got to direct the swing shift, lock down the building, lock down the parking lot, and all for seven bucks an hour. What a drag.
posted by factory_peasant at 11:47 AM
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