Miss Auschwitz

Yesterday afternoon the guys on day shift told me about a weird woman who blazed through the area earlier and came unglued when she saw identical rolling storage racks sitting in MI/EI again. She asked for me by name. When told I wasn't in until five she angrily said she'd be back and then split. Nobody could tell me anything about who she was or why she was up in my shit all of a sudden over these two rack units.

A half hour later the mystery female showed up again. As soon as I saw her I knew this was going to be a real pain dealing with her. Standing in front of me with her stringy, unkept dirty blonde hair and crazy look in her eyes I recognized the woman immediately. It was our infamous ergonomic department Nazi, Miss Auschwitz. I can't stand talking to Miss Auschwitz much less having to look at the sight of her. She's positively annoying. I should have known she caused my storage racks to disappear.

Since the early 1990s when I first got a job with Bill and Dave's company I've observed Miss Auschwitz do little more than wander around in hallways trying to duck her work. She's a chronic time waster. Back in the PC board days I frequently saw her wandering around in a light blue ESD smock hanging out at coffee stations or bullshitting with other employees in break rooms. Seldom if ever was she to be found working in the component handload lines which is where she should have been. I suspect she hated production work. One way to escape production work is to feign an on the job injury of some kind and that's what Miss Auschwitz did. She conjured up a case of carpal tunnel in her wrists and was reassigned to the Ergonomic department. Over the years working in Ergo she has become a tyrant, known well in two separate manufacturing divisions as a pain in the ass and a problem employee. Nobody I know anywhere in the company likes her. In fact, if you even mention her by name eyes will start to roll back into people's skulls. It's that bad.

The thing I despise Miss Auschwitz the most for is her habit of coming into employee's work areas uninvited and stealing useful equipment citing vague or completely bogus injury hazards. It's almost always bullshit of course. She just enjoys being a total asshole to people. Years ago someone came in to Team Loser's assembly area and stole all our tall instrument carts when I was working there. My partner and I started having back and neck pain due to using shorter carts that were supposedly "safer" because they wouldn't tip over. We never had one of the tall ones tip over. Not once. Nobody asked us if we were okay with using shorter carts and I found out long afterward that the person responsible for screwing up our area was Miss Auschwitz. She was the one who arbitrarily decided to swipe our tooling. Bitch.

With a wide eyed crazy stressed out expression on her dumb face Miss Auschwitz started to lecture me about how unsafe those two storage racks are. She rambled on and on about employees who have previously been injured using them. Then she decreed that I can't use them. They've got to go. I began questioning her.

"Who was hurt and when? I haven't had any problems using these racks. It's actually real easy to slide heavy instruments on and off of the rollers. Who gave you permission to take equipment out of my area without informing me first?"

Miss Auschwitz didn't have valid answers. Instead, she came back at me yelling and as I expected our conversation quickly turned into a shouting match. I told her to stay the fuck out of my area and if she stole anything else I'd work through the management chain to have her busted. That didn't go over well with her. In response she threatened me with OSHA regulations and Ergo department rules which of course didn't make any sense. I laughed at her. Frustrated that I wasn't backing down Miss Auschwitz stormed out of the area saying she'd return soon.

Oh good. I finally get to go to war with Miss Auschwitz. Revenge for what she did to me and Gary years ago in Team Loser's area is long overdue. I'm going to make her look stupid to management if I can. I'm going to enjoy this immensely...

Round one of the Factory Peasant vs. Miss Auschwitz brawl is about to begin!