Guatemalan Household Invasion

Before going in to work this afternoon I followed my usual daily routine. Haul my ass out of bed, get a cup of coffee from a shop around the corner and plunk myself down in front of my computer to slowly wake up and do some web surfin'. For nearly two hours I sat sipping my coffee. Nothing out of the ordinary happened until I heard the garage door opening. Looking at my watch I realized it was way too early for Dangerous D to be coming home from work. Rushing through the house out to the garage I made up my mind that the garage door opener must have tweaked out. As I swung open the kitchen door and stepped into the garage I stopped in my tracks. There was Dangerous D's Pontiac parked in the driveway and a bunch of little Guatemalans were there, staring at me. Wider than they were tall I thought Dangerous D's family members looked like dwarves or circus midgets.

Dangerous D and I had talked months ago about his family coming to visit. At the time he pissed me off by telling me his plan was to have his whole family stay here at my house and I said no way. We were going to talk about it later on. The only definite thing about their trip was Dangerous D had scheduled it for late August. The little bastard lied. Here they were a month and a half early unloading their luggage from D's car. He must have taken the day off from work and snuck down to Oakland or SFO to go pick them up at the airport. On the inside I was enraged at the stupid fuck. I wanted to punch his ass right there on the spot in front of his whole family, but I didn't move an inch. To be sure I'd deal with that sawed off retard later, oh yes. There was nothing I could do besides try to make the best of a bad situation for the time being.

Politely I said hello to everyone. There was no response from any of them. D's younger brother and both his parents just stood there silently staring at me like I was a six foot tall purple chimpanzee. Nobody smiled. I thought to myself maybe they didn't hear me or maybe they don't speak any English. Again I said hello. No reaction. Even though these folks are Guatemalan they're from Kansas so I ruled out the possibility they didn't understand. So that's how this was going to be. These people expect to stay in my house uninvited and unwelcome while being assholes about it. Dangerous D had better hope I don't catch him alone in the next couple of days here at the house or at work. He's gonna wish he was dead by the time I'm through with him.