8.30.1996

Last night I spoke with Jennifer on the phone. All she did was irritate me. I can tell she isn't paying much attention to what I'm saying especially when someone is there in the room with her or if the television is on. I haven't received a single letter from her. She finally started sending some of my mail from our house, but so far it's all the wrong stuff. I asked her to send me bills and instead I'm getting payroll paperwork and direct deposit slips. Also, it seems more often than not Jennifer has done something really stupid during the week and she tells me all about it on the phone. In the past week she somehow managed to jam my key into the ignition switch on the Cougar backwards, mailed our rent check with no postage or address, then stopped payment on the wrong check and got us into trouble with someone else. Our property manager is totally pissed off at us.

The situation I'm currently in has really shown me how little Jennifer must think of me. She has been the most inconsiderate and hateful woman I've been with. She openly admitted she's trying to punish me for leaving her behind. I explained over and over again to her that I took this job so we would both be better off living together. Three and a half months apart to make that happen is a small sacrifice, really. I don't like being away from her but I haven't taken it out on her. Everybody else on this transfer has wives or girlfriends that miss them while they're away. Jennifer doesn't seem to give a shit.

I expected at the very least Jennifer would have been happy knowing I took this job so that we would be better off financially in the long run. I had hoped she would take it as an example of how serious I am about our relationship. I doubt that has crossed her mind even once. She tells me she needs me to "be there" for her, and to understand her. What about me? I desperately need her love and support while we are apart and I don't feel like I've gotten either. The other night on the phone she made the comment that she was looking forward to being on vacation but not once did she mention she was looking forward to seeing me. I think that shows an underlying lack of care on Jennifer's part towards me.

I've never talked to my Dad about my relationship with Jennifer before. I have nobody else to talk to these days though, so I told him everything for the first time last week. I told him that Jennifer doesn't seem to enjoy having sex with me, and all the observations I've made about her over the past couple of years. She rarely tells me she loves me or misses me unless I ask her about it first. Dad's advice was typically blunt. He told me not to marry her and said that if I do, "You just got your last blow job, buddy". I didn't mention Jennifer doesn't give me head anymore, anyway. She was never very good at it and that's all she wanted to do with me for the first year we were together. It got old fast and I asked her to stop because it wasn't doing anything for me anymore. She got really mad about it and ever since then she's never done it again.