Interview With Squirmy

I haven't told anyone at TDS what I'm up to. I'm stealth-interviewing at other tech companies because I'm so pissed off about all the lame investigations that TDS has put us through recently. I am exploiting some inside information I got from employees I stayed in contact with over at Bill and Dave's company. I quit working there over two years ago but I stayed in touch with a few people I met there that were really cool to work with. I never thought I'd be heading back to them for a job. Things sure are funny sometimes. Anyway the scoop is this. Bill and Dave's has been building a group of test and measurement instruments in their Spokane, Washington factory. The PC boards that go into these boxes are all made down here. So every day the company is shipping shit back and forth interstate between the two divisions. They've been hemorraging money for years this way and someone finally had a bright idea. "Hey, why not have the instruments built where the PC boards are manufactured? Then we won't have to spend all this money on shipping." Obviously this makes good sense, but the way things work at Bill and Dave's... well good sense is a low priority.

Problem is from what I hear no one wants to go to Spokane to live and work for the duration of the de-transfer. It could take anywhere between six months to a year. I can undertsand why many people don't want to go. They would have to leave behind their families, significant other, and the area here. That's alot to give up for six months or more. Since I knew they were having trouble finding enough qualified bodies to go work on the transfer I sent in my resume a couple of weeks ago. I got a call back for an interview right away.

Interviewing at Bill and Dave's is easy beans. I was prepared for the worst, and brought my folder with me that was loaded with extra copies of my resume and work experience. The interviewing process on my return to the company was to take place with three supervisors, one right after the other. The first supervisor I met with was a woman I had heard about for years. She had a bad reputation in the company for hating her fellow female coworkers. Young guys on the other hand she usually didn't have any problems with. Unless you crossed her somehow, which was easy to do. I was aware she had a short fuse so I really treated her with kid gloves. I call her Miss Malta, because she's from the island of Malta. Everyone I've met from Malta talks kind of funny and their spelling is atrocious. I don't know why this is always the case, but with Miss Malta she was especially bad in both categories.

Miss Malta walked into the room and shook my hand. We both sat down at a table in a small conference room and after a tiny bit of idle chit chat we got down to brass tacks. She opened up a folder and fiddled around with a disorganized stack of resumes and then started asking me questions about myself.

"So Mr. Factory Peasant I see you worked at such and such company doing certain things and..."
I cut her off. "No, I didn't work there." I said.
She looked puzzled. Then she said, "And I see here it says you graduated at such and such school with X degree..."
Again I told her, "No. That's not where I went to school."
Miss Malta appeared as if she was about to get mad. I had to nip this in the bud.
"Can I see that resume you're reading from for a moment?" I asked her as politely as I could even though I knew I was dealing with a complete idiot.

She handed me the resume, and as I had feared she was looking at someone else's. Miss Malta had keyed into my first name only. Apparently some other guy was also applying for a job and he happened to have the same first name as me. So, why didn't she match up my last name with the paperwork? Typical. Supervisors here for the most part are extra dumb. I told her she had the wrong resume. She fiddled around for about a minute looking for a copy of the one I sent in but she failed to produce it. Like I said I had planned for the worst and I brought about ten copies of my resume with me. I handed her one and gave her a few minutes to read it. Then we started the interview over. Nothing of worth came out of it and I wasn't impressed with her at all. I was hoping if I did get hired back in I wouldn't be working for her.

Next up was Squirmy. He's a short man that looks like a bulldog and dresses like a golf pro. His attire consisted of a yellow polo shirt and khaki knee length shorts. Squirmy was the kind of manager that in many ways missed his true life's calling. He was perfect for the used car salesman role. He'd tell you whatever he thought you wanted to hear just to get over on you. I knew this, so I just played along with him. He was looking specifically for people to work on the Spokane transfer. I told him during our talk that I would have no problem going out of state to work for an extended period of time. Enthusiastically I told him I thought it would be an adventure. He seemed to like what he heard and he kept laughing in a stuttered hiss like Dick Dastardly's dog Mutley from that old Hanna Barbera cartoon "Stop That Pidgeon." His laughter was annoying but I got along well with the guy. I really wanted that Spokane job so I brought up the transfer as much as possible during the interview. I think I got him.

Finally, one of the worst Bill and Dave's company had to offer showed up in the room. He's Potatohead, and I had been warned about this guy too. He's not well thought of by most of the people I've talked to who have had the misfortune of working for him. He was bestowed with his nickname because of the odd shape of his jawline. He's a weird lookin' guy if I ever saw one. Potatohead really bothered me while we were talking in the conference room. He was extremely conceited, self-centered, obnoxious, and just oozing fake personality. In fact, I'm not even sure Potatohead has a personality. I had a difficult time not staring at his jaw while he rambled on and on. Man it's fucking goofy. Potatohead seemed like he was only looking for kiss-asses and boot lickers. Neither one of those are my bag so if they come back to me with a job offer to work for this loser I probably won't take the job. We'll see what happens. I should hear back from them soon enough.

Hopefully I'll be headed to Spokane in a few weeks.