Hate Crime Fridays

It's official, every Friday night is now "Hate Crime Friday." Our mission is to terrorize Mr. Janitor as punishment for his nasty habit of being a no good rat-fink, and also for trying to boss us all around. Gabe somehow obtained Mr. Janitor's photo ID badge and enlarged it on a copier so Mr. Janitor's big old goofy face almost fills up an entire 8x11 sheet of paper. Gabe was most creative. Over Mr. Janitor's picture it says in giant letters "Hate Crime Friday" and on either side of his face it says "1st Annual!" and "What's That Smell??" Gabe superimposed devil horns and put them on Mr. Janitor's forehead. At the very bottom of the page again in giant letters it says, "Clean It Up Mr. Janitor!!!!!" Gabe went around the building handing out copies of his flyer to all of us. It's very cool.

I'm now responsible for arming all the alarm systems and locking down the building at the end of swing shift on Friday nights and I have to use the P.A. system to announce to everyone it's time to leave. They have to hurry up to the front lobby or they're going to be stuck inside once I set the alarm. Since I started using the P.A. system I usually wait until all the ladies leave for the evening and then I get on the horn and start shouting cut-downs at Gabe and stuff. It's been pretty funny as everyone can hear it. Sometimes Gabe writes insulting poetry verses about me and recites them aloud over the P.A. back at me. They've actually been fairly ruthless, and it makes me smile. Anyway, this Friday night after I was sure the women had left for the night I got on the P.A. and announced to all "Hate Crime Friday is now underway!" Then the fun started.

Barney and I passed bottles of Isopropyl Alcohol back and forth delibrately spilling as much as we could on the floors and saying "oops" as we did it. More black rings will appear in Mr. Janitor's freshly waxed floors by the following Monday afternoon. We kept busting up laughing as we spilled the shit. Some of the guys went out into the hallways and dragged the heels of their work shoes along the ground. This creates huge black streaks in the flooring that looks like tire skid marks. The only way to remove them from the tiles is, you guessed it, a razor blade. Mr. Janitor is gonna love those when he sees them on Monday.

Army Guy and Dave mixed up a bowl of ketchup and hamburger meat and dunked tampons in it, then splattered them on the walls of the women's bathrooms. Neat. Turns out Army Guy is the trash-dumping phantom of the second floor cubicle maze and he's had some help up there for weeks. He takes Dave or someone else along with him on the run so they can dump all the trash cans on the floor much faster. He has a certain route all worked out too. I was wondering how the perpetrator was doing that so quickly. We also got into Mr. Janitor's utility room and I placed a couple of cans of deodorant on his tool shelf while Barney spit in Mr. Janitor's lab coat pockets. God damn, that made me laugh. Barney also gave him a couple bars of soap. I wonder if Mr. Janitor will finally get the hint he stinks? Probably not.